Neko

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE IMPLEMENTATION

author unkown

'Twas the night before implementation and all through the house
not a system was working, not even the mouse.

The programmers hung by their tubes in despair
in hopes that a miracle soon would be there.

The users were nestled all snug in their beds
while visions of transactions danced in their heads.

When out of the Monitor came such a clatter
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.

And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a guru programmer (with a sixpack of beer).

His resume glowed with experience so rare,
and he turned out great code with a bit-pusher's flair.

More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
as he whistled and shouted and called them by name.

On Update! On Inquiry! On OOP! On Delete!
On Sequel! On Timeout! On Methods Complete!

His eyes were glazed over; fingers nimble and lean
from weekends and nights in front of a screen.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
turning specs into code; then he turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger upon the RUN keys
the system came up and it worked PERFECTLY!

The Updates updated; Deletes they deleted;
The Inquiries inquired and Closing completed.

He tested each whistle, and tested each bell
with nary an edit, for all had gone well.

The system was finished, the tests were concluded,
the clients last changes were even included.

And the client exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt
'IT'S JUST WHAT I ASKED FOR---BUT NOT WHAT I WANT!'
                

author: yours truly

Happiness
I had it once
Warm and plenty
Just like the blood
Still wet on my hands

Laughter
I heard it once
Ringing out
Like a bell
The one at your funeral

Joy
I felt it once
It danced and spun
And never faltered
Like my murdering hand

Life
You had it once
I don’t deserve it
I was a coward
And took yours to keep mine
For what it’s worth
I’m sorry